Can’t Sit Still

Whenever I would take a long s Beenbreak from journaling or blogging, I used to do a “Yes, I’m alive” post to start off the next wave.  Now I’m divided – on one hand I think it’s more than a little pretentious and bordering on obnoxious to think people actually care that I’ve been offline, but at the same time I feel a need to say “Hey, here’s what I’ve been up to.”  Part of me thinks I should just shut up and start writing.

Ahem.

Yesterday, we took a coworker out to lunch to celebrate her 30^th, and it got me thinking about my own imminent milestone.  I realized that 1/31/09 was my “half birthday”.  (When I was younger, my grandmother would celebrate my half birthday because I felt cheated at school, having a birthday that fell in the summer.  It took me a while to realize a) it’s not that big of a deal, and b) I am a summertime person, so having a birthday in the hottest part of the year is actually kind of cool sweet, at least to me.  Anyway.)

All this to say: I have less than six months to still be “in my twenties”.  The subject has been in the back of my mind for a while, especially since my best friend and I are both turning 30 within 6 weeks of each other.

Now, I knew I wasn’t all that geeked about all of this.  There’s some part of me that has felt, deep down in that little corner of myself that’s even more unconscious than my “gut” (and my gut is hardly ever wrong), that my life wouldn’t start to really settle until I hit my thirties.  But today I started thinking about it in a different way: in my head, I think I’ve always been thirty.

I’ve never thought of myself as a child.  Or a teenager.  Or a “young adult”.  In my head I have always been me.  I’ve thought the same way, my mind’s voice has sounded the same, and even though I’ve been exposed to a lot of different things and my perspective has changed drastically, at my core I’m still the same person. And I think that person is 30 years old.

I don’t know a lot, but I know I still have a lot of processing to do on all of this.  (According a horoscope I read back at the beginning of the year, all Leos have been in a state of flux for a while now [I know I have], and I’ve got 4 more years of this before I finallysettle. Goodness.)  The plan for a while now has been to go to Las Vegas for my best friend’s birthday, and to do something else for mine.  I think “something else” is going to be more restive – a yoga retreat, a stay at an all-inclusive spa, or maybe just some time away from everyone and everything.  I don’t know yet – we’ll see.  I feel better than I’ve felt in a very long time, and if this is what being 30 is, then bring it on!