Resolved: My lists of things that need doing.

Published by Laya under Off the Top, Re:Definition of Self on December 25, 2008

I was laying here, going through my GReader’s “personal development” tag (that’s where I keep all of the feeds related to productivity, life change, and personal sanity), and as I read all of these great posts, I realized something.

I’ve spent a lot of time and energy over the past few days thinking about what I’m going to do with myself right now, and with my life in 2009.  I came to one pretty big decision: 2009 is the year I leave Baltimore.  I’ve calculated how much money that’s going to take (no splurging for me!), as well as what needs to be done to prepare for that move.

Yet, other than using a spreadsheet to do my calculations, I haven’t wrote a single thing down.  Which means I am selling my self waaaaay short.

So this blog post is about just that: making a list.  There are things I’ve already started on that I need to finish, things that I can’t do until I get paid on the 31st, and half-formed plans that I haven’t told a soul about.  Actually, this post acts on one of those things: to start blogging about the changes I’m making, as well as the cool stuff I’m coming across as I completely renovate my life (again).

Or, maybe I shouldn’t say “again”.  Maybe I should be a little more compassionate with myself.  Maybe I need to remind myself that, even though I’ve tried to make changes before - some that stuck and some that didn’t - the fact that I have made mistakes in the past doesn’t mean I can’t do this.  It doesn’t mean that I won’t be living a completely different life by my 30th birthday.

Maybe I’ve found a “niche” for this blog after all. :D

Without further ado, I present:

Shit That Laya Needs to Do

(I’ve got a flare for titles, don’tcha think? :D )

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On Not Having Anything to Say

Published by Laya under Off the Top on December 10, 2008

It is times like this that I wonder why I even have a blog.  One of the pitfalls of not having a “topical” blog is that sometimes I have nothing to talk about. Or, there are things I could be talking about but that I wouldn’t want to put on the Internets.  Or sometimes - like lately - I just don’t feel like talking.

Part of it is twitter. Back in my Livejournal days I might have done a drive-by post, just to let people know I was still alive.  Now, I’m as active on twitter as I am everywhere else on the web combined, and if people want to know if I’m still around they need only got to my twitter page, and there is proof.  There’s no longer a need for that sort of post.

The same goes for another fall back of my LJ days: the list, or status post.  Though that sort of thing does put everything in one place, all of the little inanities that flit through my mind usually end up on twitter eventually, and the things that are too big for twitter?  I just haven’t been writing about. Therein lies the rub, as they say.

I’ll start writing again eventually.  Already some ideas have been nagging me enough that I’m obligated to sit down and hammer them out if I ever want any peace.  I’ve got thoughts about the societal treatment of women who take their anger and hurt out on a man’s possessions (‘On Being Bernadine’), and an open letter to white people on how Affirmative Action could be eliminated…if they are willing to make some changes to how things are (‘On Levelling the Playing Field’, maybe).

I broke down and bought an(other) overpriced moleskine, this time with blank pages - a first.  I’ve tried lined, and I’ve tried gridded, and every time the notebook is eventually abandoned.  So far it’s working - without restrictions I’m both writing down my ideas more consistently and being a little less hard on myself about making things perfect.  I keep having web startup ideas, and considering my current work situation it is no surprise that some part of my subconscious is looking for an alternative to the bullshit.

I also have a story idea that will get quiet from time to time, but refuses to go away.  Looking back, I realize it’s been brewing in my head since NaNo 2006, and I honestly can’t say if there’s anything I can do to hasten it’s full realization.  I have to be patient with myself - something I am not prone to be.  I’m taking a lot of deep breaths and writing things down.

And without even really meaning to, I’ve written a real live blog post after weeks of being blocked.  Feels pretty good.

My Fellow Americans

Published by Laya under Off the Top, Sharing is Caring on October 21, 2008

I am sick and tired of this election. Yeah, I said it, and I know I’m not alone.

I’m tired of analysis, of speculation, of fear mongering and personal attacks.  I wish cable news had something else to talk about (not that I watched much of that in the first place).  I’m tired of people talking about it at work.  I’m tired of talking about it with my friends and family, and I’m tired of not being able to help myself.  I’m tired of campaign ads on TV.  I’m tired of signs in people’s yards, signs in their windows, stickers on everything and buttons, buttons, buttons!  I know who I’m voting for, dammit!  So let me do that and leave me alone!

I think there is something seriously wrong with the way elections happen in this country.  If 2000 broke any illusions I had that things were fair, 2008 has ground those illusions into dust.  The level of racism and intolerance that has come from people on both sides of our “political system” sickens me, but hey - I’m black, female, and living in America so I can’t really say I’m surprised.

Despite all of my bitterness, at my core I am still American, and I still believe there are others like me on both sides who are fair, tolerant, and want what we feel is best for this country.  There was no better way to bolster my faith in my country than for me to see this video on Attackerman (via Jezebel):

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